The Beard Chronicles - 3

Progress has rapidly slowed.

It’s also not thick. Individual hairs are long, but there isn’t enough volume to make it look particularly good up close.

Further away, it’s mildly impressive, especially for an Asian male and for two weeks.

Within conversational distance though…

We’ll see how far we get before RA training starts. If I don’t get something worthwhile by then, the experiment is over.

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On bottling up annoyance and anger

I did something bad today.

A girl came to my place to hang out.

All she does is complain about her love life and lack of sex. She expresses frustration at how incapable she is of finding gentlemen in her life, and how much she blew it with her interests and her ex boyfriend. 

That’s her shtick. She loves to talk about it. In fact, that’s all she talks about. 

So today, after a good thirty minutes of her complaining about her love life, I couldn’t take it anymore and kind of blew up at her.

I told her it was stupid of her to be so concerned with her love life. I told her that her problems were trivial, unimportant, and that she needed to stop being such a downer. I was vicious. I listed off all of the different “could-have-beens” that she brought up and told her that none of them mattered and she just needed to suck it up and live her own fucking life. I was sick and tired of listening to her bitching and moaning. Who cared about Tinder boy, who drove up miles to see her, and then stopped talking to her? I certainly didn’t. Why the fuck was she telling me this?

She laughed a bit while I started the rant, but then grew silent as I continued. She asked if I was serious. “I am serious, I’m serious as fuck.”

Then I asked her if she thought we were actually friends.

And she said, “I thought so.”

It was like a punch in the gut. 

Fuck.

I’m awful.

I don’t know what this girl’s life is like. She’s out of the heels of an awful breakup. She misses that. She gets depressed. Her life is rough. She’s stressed because she’s taking hardcore summer classes. She needs someone to be there for her, someone to listen to her problems.

I’m not a shit receptacle. I can’t just take people’s shit all the time and just have it pile up. But I should be able to handle it. Life is hard and people need others to lean on. I should know that. I do it all the fucking time. 

If I could take it all back and just keep it together… I would. What I said was shitty and inexcusable. She comes to me and wants to hang out because she trusts me with her problems. I’m there to be a guiding force in her life. If she didn’t want me to hear about her love life, she wouldn’t goddamn tell me. She needs someone to listen.

I can’t let this happen again. If I can’t even handle this, I have no goddamn idea how I’m going to be an RA. I gotta keep this under control, and I definitely can’t keep things bottled up like this. 

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New pet peeve

People who upload awful photos of themselves every single day, while suffering under the delusion that the photos are good.

No, honey, those photos are awful and you should stop. Narcissism is real and you need to see a doctor. 

These aren’t even selfies! They’re just terrible self-timer pictures! STOP.

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